So with Fisher-Price shoggoths scratching at my walls, I decided the sensible, level-headed thing to do would be to tunnel down into the center of the Earth. There but for the grace of God go I, suicide hedge. It's like their only reason to live is to ruin other people's artwork. And while your workbench is open, make a shovel, because the sun's going down and now you're going to dig a big hole and cry in it until the exploding bush monsters go away". No, I don't know how you're supposed to figure all this out. If Lady Luck contents to smile, you'll find some in a wall somewhere. Mine some stone and make a better pickaxe. "See those trees?" It would begin by saying, "chop them down with the flat of your hand. This is one game where there's officially no shame in looking up the FAQ. Hey, why's it gotten so dark all of a sudden? What was that rustling sound? Why are my intestines over there now? I'm going to make a little pile and leave the flower on top like a mysterious Spanish gentleman. Yeah! Eat that, flowers! And you, too, patch of dirt! Ooh, now I can pick up the dirt and rearrange it in places. About all I could figure out to do was punch things, so I punched some flowers. After downloading it to see what all the fuss was about, I was plonked into a LEGO representation of rural New Zealand. My initial experience to Minecraft was, I imagine, similar to many people's. Which is an apt comparison, because everything in Minecraft certainly looks like it was drawn with an Etch-A-Sketch. It's like an Etch-A-Sketch where every now and again, Space Invaders drop down from above, and lefty knob and righty knob have to put aside their differences so that they can live to twiddle another day. Minecraft is a creativity toy that just happens to contain monsters, and frankly I can't think of a better way to improve a creativity toy. No, respectively, you go there to build sandcastles and purchase heroin. All right, there are skeletons in it that you have to wave a sword at until they stop moving, which would normally characterize a game, but that's not what you're there for, in the same way you don't go to the beach to get sand kicked in your face and you don't go to Glasgow to get your eyes gouged out with broken bottles. Minecraft is becoming as popular among computer nerds as a six-button wireless mouse with tits, but I hesitate to call it a "game", strictly speaking. Third thought: " Oh, goody! That means I can go back inside and keep playing Minecraft!" Second thought: "Oh, balls! With humanitarian aid selfishly obstructing the delivery services, I won't be seeing any of my imports anytime soon either." I don't keep up with the news though, so it was only when I emerged blinking from my grotto and saw that the sandbag fairy had visited all the good little shop doorways that I found out that the central business district had flooded.įirst thought: "Oh, cock! All the nearest game retailers are in the CBD because some retarded pile of cartilage on the town planning department thought it'd be a great idea to put thirty EB Games shops within the same ten square yards." My non-American viewers (who understand that the world does not consist only of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of Mexican migrant workers) will no doubt have heard that the water around Brisbane got sick of waiting for people to come hit the beach and decided to bring the party to us.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |